3 ways to be a great Mum and still have time for you
Wokingham Rocks is delighted to speak to Rebecca Hogan, a qualified life coach from Wokingham. As a Mum herself, Rebecca's passion is to help tired, frustrated, overwhelmed Mums to ditch the guilt and find a way to become the calm, fun, happy Mum they aspire to be. Her aim is to support you in taking care of yourself so that you have the physical and emotional energy to take care of your family.
Being a Mum is the best. Oh the cuddles, the cute moments and the heart swelling moments of pure pride.
But motherhood is also extremely challenging. It's a rollercoaster of emotions as it means so much to us to get it right. Every day we are making decisions with our kids best interests in mind. But it can all be so overwhelming and anxiety producing at times. And oh the Mum guilt!
Life is such a juggle these days with an endless To Do list. So how do we juggle all the things and still have time to be ourselves too.
Here's the 3 ways to be a great Mum and still have time for you:
1. Remind yourself that no one is perfect at parenting
There's a pressure to be perfect. Do you feel it? I hate to be the one to break it to you but SuperMum does NOT exist! We are all human. We all forget things sometimes. Water bottle. The towel for swimming. Spare clothes. Anyone else been there? I'm sure you have.
With social media being such a go to it's too easy to see all those pretty feeds and compare yourself to other Mums that seem to have it all sorted. 61% said they compared themselves to others Mums in a 2017 survey of 900 Mums, (goodto.com). But comparing our 3d lives to their 2d feeds when we're in chaos will just affect your self esteem and leave you feeling not quite good enough.
So if that's you - stop scrolling!
What to do instead of scrolling:
* Take some time to reflect on how you're feeling
* If you're not feeling great have a think about why that might be.
* What is getting you down? Do you need to rest? Do you need to connect with a friend? Do you need to find time to get a hobby or a passion back into your life?
2. Trust your decisions
When you become a Mum it seems that everyone has an opinion and some advice to offer you. You get advice from the health visitors, online articles, social media and friends and family. It can be overwhelming and leave you feeling confused.
What to do if you feel overwhelmed:
* It's important to take time to process it all and think about how you feel.
* Trust your intuition and make the decision based on what works for you and feels right for you and your child.
* If you need some help choose to talk to someone you are close to that you trust and has maybe helped you in the past.
3. Recognise the Mum guilt
78% of Mums in the survey revealed they felt guilty and 68% of Mums said they felt guilty once or twice a day!
Mums felt guilty for:
- Not spending enough time with the children
- not trying enough activities with them
- not being able to afford enough
Guilt is an emotion with a positive purpose. It's there to keep us focused on doing a great job. So it can be a helpful guide. A way of keeping us on track.
But sometimes we can be the one that is placing the most guilt on ourselves. We feel guilty that our child is watching netflicks while we do the washing. Then we feel guilty if we don't do the washing. That kind of Mum guilt can become unhealthy so we need to keep it in check.
If you are focusing on being loving, giving your child regular focused attention, and chances to explore and play with a sense of security and safety then you are doing enough. Life is all about balance and they need to learn to play on their own and amuse themselves as well as have time when they are being entertained.
Take a look at your child. If they are happy, clean, healthy and fed well then you are doing a great job. That's what matters.
What to do:
* Give yourself a pat on the back for all that you do for your child.
* Reflect on whether there is balance in your child's day
* Recognise when you're not showing up as the best Mum you can or aspire to be.
* Make time to recharge your batteries. Take some time out for you to care for yourself.
Motherhood is to be enjoyed and if you need time out to be the calm, patient, happy Mum then please do take that time as your whole family will benefit from it. A happy family needs a happy Mum.
If you would like inspiration and advice on how to take some time out for you please do join us in the Be Me & Mum Facebook group
I go live here every Wednesday at 8pm and post everyday to support all you Mums to get the balance back and take time out for yourselves.
I wish you the very best motherhood.